Approaching People
Jul. 14th, 2003 12:56 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
guslSome friends who know me rather well think that I don't care about such things and have no problem approaching people. Well, in fact, I do have a moderate level of anxiety when approaching strangers, especially when I have no excuse, such as selling stuff, conducting a survey, etc.
That is probably because I don't censor my words very much. So they generalize to "Gustavo doesn't care what people think". In fact, some people think that's something cool about me. But it's not true. The truth is that, just like everybody else, I want to have / develop positive relationships with friends and lovers (to paraphrase Pinker(?)), so I do care about my reputation. Even if "not caring" is part of that reputation. But that would be a mask, not my true self.
So yesterday, at an outdoor concert, I decided that I would approach whoever I wanted to, so I did. This consisted mostly of attractive females, and it was easier than I imagined. I guess it's been a while since I approached someone without an excuse, like ummmm... a week. umm.. ok, not that long.
Now I'm going to get experienced at approaching people without a second thought. If people already think I'm way that, I might as well live up to my reputation.
pjammer's Avatar Therapy
That is probably because I don't censor my words very much. So they generalize to "Gustavo doesn't care what people think". In fact, some people think that's something cool about me. But it's not true. The truth is that, just like everybody else, I want to have / develop positive relationships with friends and lovers (to paraphrase Pinker(?)), so I do care about my reputation. Even if "not caring" is part of that reputation. But that would be a mask, not my true self.
So yesterday, at an outdoor concert, I decided that I would approach whoever I wanted to, so I did. This consisted mostly of attractive females, and it was easier than I imagined. I guess it's been a while since I approached someone without an excuse, like ummmm... a week. umm.. ok, not that long.
Now I'm going to get experienced at approaching people without a second thought. If people already think I'm way that, I might as well live up to my reputation.
pjammer's Avatar Therapy
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(no subject)
Date: 2003-07-20 07:04 pm (UTC)It's always good when you think of something funny or cute to say, but a smile goes a long way. The point is not doing anything isn't much better than introducing yourself and looking silly
yeah... for the most part I think looking silly is always better. But I just wish I could do it without going into panic attack mode.
The solution is breaking the rigid structure with feedback, jokes, pauses, an occasional argument, etc.
Yes, unfortunately another thing I'm really bad at. If a conversation doesn't have a rigid structure or purpose I just don't know how to go about it.
The best I can do is put myself in a spontaneous mood: a refreshing shower, playing soccer, listening to swing (which makes me imitate a groovin dancer) are the best ways to do that for me
I have noticed that physical activity like sports or running helps me be more outgoing.