Approaching People

[gusl]

Some friends who know me rather well think that I don't care about such things and have no problem approaching people. Well, in fact, I do have a moderate level of anxiety when approaching strangers, especially when I have no excuse, such as selling stuff, conducting a survey, etc.

That is probably because I don't censor my words very much. So they generalize to "Gustavo doesn't care what people think". In fact, some people think that's something cool about me. But it's not true. The truth is that, just like everybody else, I want to have / develop positive relationships with friends and lovers (to paraphrase Pinker(?)), so I do care about my reputation. Even if "not caring" is part of that reputation. But that would be a mask, not my true self.

So yesterday, at an outdoor concert, I decided that I would approach whoever I wanted to, so I did. This consisted mostly of attractive females, and it was easier than I imagined. I guess it's been a while since I approached someone without an excuse, like ummmm... a week. umm.. ok, not that long.

Now I'm going to get experienced at approaching people without a second thought. If people already think I'm way that, I might as well live up to my reputation.

pjammer's Avatar Therapy

Comments

[gustavolacerda.livejournal.com]

It's always good when you think of something funny or cute to say, but a smile goes a long way. The point is not doing anything isn't much better than introducing yourself and looking silly (by the way, it's almost only in America that people introduce themselves before asking the person's name: that looks genuinely odd in some places). If the person is interested in you as well, you probably won't have to work very hard... although I guess the problem usually consists of showing yourself to be interesting.

Sometimes it's tempting to talk about something in a lot of detail, but it probably works best to put the ball on their court, preferably with a long-answer question such as "why?" or "what do you think about ...?". Oh, and definitely avoid sounding like a questionnaire or a chatterbox: I have had that problem. The solution is breaking the rigid structure with feedback, jokes, pauses, an occasional argument, etc.

Then again, if you're talking about something that you find interesting, but they don't, then maybe that person isn't so interesting afterall. But still, it's important to put yourself in their shoes: how would you react if you were approached like that?

But who am I to give advice? The best I can do is put myself in a spontaneous mood: a refreshing shower, playing soccer, listening to swing (which makes me imitate a groovin dancer) are the best ways to do that for me. Being spontaneous probably doesn't improve my success rate that much, but it works because I end up approaching more people.

[spoonless.livejournal.com]

It's always good when you think of something funny or cute to say, but a smile goes a long way. The point is not doing anything isn't much better than introducing yourself and looking silly

yeah... for the most part I think looking silly is always better. But I just wish I could do it without going into panic attack mode.


The solution is breaking the rigid structure with feedback, jokes, pauses, an occasional argument, etc.

Yes, unfortunately another thing I'm really bad at. If a conversation doesn't have a rigid structure or purpose I just don't know how to go about it.


The best I can do is put myself in a spontaneous mood: a refreshing shower, playing soccer, listening to swing (which makes me imitate a groovin dancer) are the best ways to do that for me

I have noticed that physical activity like sports or running helps me be more outgoing.